June 17, 2015
Time is moving so quickly,
Passing me by so swiftly.
It’ll all be over soon anyway,
So what difference does it make if I leave today?
I’ve lived enough life.
Been bruised, battered and chewed up by strife.
30 years really is a long time.
I think I can see enough from this vantage point
To know it’s not getting any better,
That this isn’t some storm I can just weather.
This is my life: A soul steeped in sadness,
Aching with loneliness, self-hatred and madness.
I’ve always been too scared to jump from up high,
Too afraid of failure and ridicule to pull the trigger on life,
But I think i this may be it –
The chance to really take charge of my life.
May 15, 2015
This third floor apartment
Ain’t gettin’ me any closer to the stars,
But I feel as though
My feet are so far off the ground
And I’m still scared
I’ve been swallowing tacks,
Biting my tongue
And holding out hope
That something good will prevail.
Where to turn, what to do –
Questions are out-pacing answers
And I’m weary,
In search of bliss.
April 15, 2015
Writing helps me breathe
Like carbon for the trees
I take the bad
And turn it into good
Internalize it all
Just like you knew I would.
Trees and birds passing notes
I’ve got this place that no one knows
They’ll never find us there
So leave behind your worldly cares.
This is where yours and mine,
They can unite
And all our dreams can finally fly.
April 14, 2015
Is confidence a choice?
A conscious decision to silence
The voices that run rampant,
Party with a penchant,
Taking much more than their share.
Is taking the staircase
All I need to do
To escape this self-despair?
Can I climb out from this basement
That knows no sunlight
If only I’m wise and brave enough to realize:
There is still a place where the sun shines.
I think that maybe – just maybe – confidence is but a choice,
A conscious decision to silence my inner critic’s voice.
July 25, 2014
September 4, 2012
Today was the first day of my second year of school. This may or may not be my last year (it should be, but I haven’t decided just yet if I’m going to take two years to finish and do it part-time because I have disability status – which would be easier on me, and should be the easily chosen best choice, but we shall see – or just try givin’ ‘er and doing it all this year).
I’m feeling pretty nerdtacular right now, to be honest. I feel like all I talk and think about is journalism, having just finished a three week stint interning at CBC Radio 3, signing up to write for a local entertainment website, and amassing a small writers’ fortune of books on all things writing.
Perhaps nerdiest of them all, though, is that I will be getting my (I’ve-always-wished-I-had) glasses in the next day or so. Lois Lane results are not typical or expected, but I’m still pretty excited about it all.
I love new notebooks, pens, paper, and binders, and this time of year really IS the most wonderful in those respects, as much of the school supplies I love so dearly are on sale ’round now.
I’m not sure yet if the vertical labret piercing I took the leap and FINALLY had done last night counters or adds to the nerdiness I’m oozing, but at least it’s something to keep me busy with getting used to.