Zombie Apocalypse

May 25, 2011

Yesterday I had a revelation as I left the grocery store…

While choosing a line to wait in, weighing the number of people ahead of me in each, the number of items, and the content of their purchases as always, I found myself behind a man with the corpse of a chicken fleshy in his basket.

I opted instead for another line with a family and a buggy’s-worth of groceries dominating the belt. This is a situation I often find, and I don’t even care that it sometimes takes twice as long, as it spares me having to languish in disgust, and the obsessive-compulsive thoughts about the cashier touching meat then touching my fruits and veggies. Makes me shudder to think of, so it’s totally worth the extra time.

Also a frequent occurrence, I couldn’t get the thought of that poor chicken’s dead body wrapped in plastic out of my head. Which is when the thought hit me: everyone likes to talk about the Zombie Apocalypse and all this ‘What would you do if…’ and ‘When the Zombie Apocalypse hits, I’m breaking your legs,’ yada yada, but they’ve missed the memo – it’s already here, people!

I’m sorry, but if you’re ingesting dead bodies, you’re already a zombie. If you’re honest with yourself, I bet you even feel like one; tired, listless, maybe depressed, and rotting yourself from the inside out. Maybe your flesh doesn’t look quite as you would picture a zombie’s to (or maybe it does, as switching to a vegan diet is often attributed to a clearer complexion, along with greater mental clarity and physical health), but I assure you, you’re disintegrating all the same.

Maybe one day vegans really will rule the Earth…

(whether by conversion or default, I’ll still take it either way)


Originally posted on Blog.ca under Bird-On-A-Wire on May 25th, 2011 before being transferred here on June 8th, 2011.